


Lost (in the Heat of it All)

by FoggySun



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:07:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28644948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoggySun/pseuds/FoggySun
Summary: Fatin and Toni have had a good thing going. Under everyone's noses, of course.The addition of a new friend into their friend group is sure to shake it all up.
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani/Toni Shalifoe, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 47
Kudos: 281





	1. Chapter 1

The living room is dark and hazy, lit only by the faint glow of the TV screen. Movie dialogue fills the room with sound, but Toni can still hear rain tapping away at the glass behind her head. Her too-high-brain decides to hyper-fixate on the tapping of the rain, rather than the TV noise. Beside her, Fatin runs her finger tip lazily around the rim of the beer in her hand, totally transfixed on the screen. Toni zones out, watching her finger roll over the lip of the bottle in slow, idle circles. Just then, the combination of a poorly timed breath and the cloud of smoke in the air, makes Toni let out a choked cough. She waves her hand instinctively in the air to wave the cloud of smoke away from her face.

“Jesus, pass me the joint would you? You’re letting it burn up.” Dot scolds, shoving her in the arm.

“Fuck off.” Toni chokes out through her cough, returning it to her lips for another puff before pretending to pass it to Dot on her left—then turning quickly to give it to Fatin. She smiles obnoxiously at Dot, who pushes her once more.

“I always knew I was your favourite.” Fatin blinks her eyes dramatically, and makes a kiss face at Toni. Toni brings her hand to rest on Fatin’s thigh as she pats it in acknowledgement. She’s so high that she just leaves it there as her eyes drift back to what’s on TV.

“Now you messed up rotation.” Dot sighs, leaning forward and reaching for the remote and her beer simultaneously. She increases the volume just a little, taking a swig. “This is my favourite scene. Fuck yeah!” She exclaims.

Toni is pretty high, but she has to admit, Kill Bill is one of the better things she’s seen while under the influence. Honestly, she was just glad she didn’t have to watch anymore shitty offensive adult cartoons tonight. Fatin thought those things were hilarious, and Dot could literally watch anything and enjoy it, Toni had come to find since living with the pair. It was fair to say they had shit standards for TV, amongst other things. But not tonight.

As Uma Thurman walks out into the garden where Lucy Liu is waiting, a full on choreographed fight scene breaks out. Its all fast running and jumping and swords, and lets face it—hot women. Which is all Toni is really taking from the movie, in her current state.

“Man. There's a threesome I’d pay to be in on.” Toni comments, her voice lower and slower than usual with the added effect of the joints they’d been smoking for the last few hours.

“Dude, I’m not even gay and I’d pay to be in on that.” Dot snorts. They snicker back at her.

“Yeah,” sighs Fatin. “I wish Lucy Liu would just like, stab me with that fucking sword.” She motions a stabbing action with her hand. “I would love for my headstone to say ‘Impaled to death by Lucy Liu.” 

Toni and Dot break into a fit of high laughter at Fatin, who simply put, loves the attention.

Fatin laughs back, reaching her hand out instinctively to grab Toni’s where it rests on her thigh. As Toni turns her head mid-laugh, she registers the fact that Fatin glances down at her lips. Or, at least, she _thinks_ she did. Maybe it’s just the weed talking. Either way, she looks away pretty quickly. But then, Toni’s looking at her again, and yeah, this time she’s _definitely_ looking at her lips. Then she’s smirking, and Toni is left to turn away on her own accord.  
-

The next morning reminds Toni just how much of a slow starter she actually is. How waking up before noon should be illegal. They smoked and laughed the night away, herself and Fatin playing a dangerous game beside an unsuspecting Dot.

“Jesus Christ. Is a weed hangover a real thing?” Toni groans. She slams the cupboard door behind herself as she takes out the cereal and begins to pour a bowl. It almost overflows given the utter lack of attention she's paying to it as she yawns. The _7:17 am_ on the stove clock taunts her when she turns her head to check the time.

“Not a real thing." Fatin offers from behind her. "But sleep deprivation totally is.” She's sitting at the table already, poking her spoon around her greek yogurt and granola. Turning it over, smoothing it out, then taking a spoonful into her mouth. Toni turns to face her, leaning against the counter. She props her hands up on the counter top behind her and stares at the other girl appreciatively for a second, way too tired to look away. She has on a full-face of makeup, and you can't even fucking tell she hasn't slept, unlike Toni. _Man, I love when she wears those little bandana things though. Cute as shit,_ Toni muses internally. Fatin gazes up at her—not an ounce of bashfulness in her, as usual, when she smiles her big movie-star smile like she knows what Toni's thinking, and she's flattered to boot.

“You know, we went to sleep at like, 4 am, now we’re back up at 7.” Fatin observes, before turning back to her food and taking another mouthful. She points her spoon at Toni as she makes her next point. “Why do I even _go_ to college. I’m too rich for this! I could just live off my dad’s interest at this point. But the asshole thinks making me work for it will make me appreciate it more. Like, no, jackass. It just makes me depressed and anxious.”

“Fucking one-percenter.” Dot rolls her eyes as she enters the kitchen, throwing her backpack over her shoulder. Toni snickers at her, before rolling her eyes, and turning back around to finish taking up her cereal. Her moment with Fatin was now clearly over.

“Why are you dressed so early?” Toni asks over her shoulder, before shooting Dot a raised eyebrow. If Toni was a slow starter, Dot was a goddamned turtle. She legitimately woke up fifteen minutes before she was supposed to be somewhere. Dot shrugs her off, pulling out her phone, but Toni's still looking.

“Dude, do you have on makeup?” It leaves her mouth before she can register that she's put her on the spot.

Fatin, now seemingly finished with her breakfast, stands and approaches Dot to look more closely at her face, holding it in both her hands. Dot looks away shyly. “Holy shit.” Toni watches as a grin spreads across Fatin's face. “She does! AND, it's beautiful!" She squeals excitedly. "So, who is he?”

“It’s not like that.” Dot replies almost bashfully, poking one of her headphones into her ear. Toni never understood how she could blast metal into her eardrums at 7 in the morning. Dot was a different fucking species, man. “Can I get a ride to campus Shalifoe?” Dot inquires, one headphone still hanging in her hand.

“Where’s your car?” Toni asks, pretty quickly, growing ever-more suspicious by the second. Wearing makeup, no car, getting up early. The shit-list on Dot was growing quickly. Something was up.

“Christ. What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?” Dot shoots back, leaning down and tying her shoe laces. “At my friend’s. I drank over there on Saturday, remember?”

“Dude, you left your car on the side of the road somewhere all night Saturday, all day yesterday and the day before, and you’re only now getting it? It’s literally Tuesday. What if it got towed or some shit?” Toni asks, eyebrows knit in concern. Toni wouldn't bring it up if she didn't care; she knew Dot definitely didn’t have the cash to pay if that scenario happened.

“Well, I’d simply pay it. If he was worth it.” Fatin winks, squeezing Dot’s shoulders from behind, before bringing her into a hug. 

“Must be nice. And it wasn’t at a guys house, you assholes.” Dot retorts, now finding her face squished awkwardly against Fatin’s in the embrace. “It was at my _friend’s_." Toni chuckles at how she emphasizes the word with her hands. "Its in her driveway so, if it got towed from her literal driveway, on her literal property, I’d be pretty pissed.” Dot is pulling at her outift now, fixing it in all the places Fatin has messed it up as they break from their hug.

“Guy, girl. We don’t discriminate in this household.” Fatin quips, clearly still fixated on the former half of Dot's sentence, a bright smile gracing her features. She continues, unbothered by Dot’s scowl. “Toni, are you still walking me to class?” Fatin asks casually. Toni feels herself tense up at the question.

“Yeah.” She clears her throat, all of a sudden looking down at her cereal like its the most interesting thing in the world. Skipping class was a nasty habit they had both taken up, but it was just so _easy_ to fall into when Dot was gone early, or out late, and they had their big, empty house here. Like, who wouldn't skip fucking class? Only, today, Dot needs a ride, so they can't pretend to head into campus.

“We have to swing by wherever Dot is going on the way.” She reminds Fatin nonchalantly. Fatin seems satisfied with the answer, and skips away happily to finish getting ready, as Toni watches her go. Dot is already waiting by the door, headphones in, thankfully not listening to whatever her roommates are talking about.  
-  
“Holy shit.” Toni mutters, flicking on her turn signal as she pulls up, at last, to the house that Dot had left her car at. Dot had spent the last fifteen minutes directing her to a part of the city she had never laid eyes on before. Toni is kind of shook that a college student who lives alone, lives like this. She knows nothing about her, other than the fact that its a new friend--a transfer--but she's starting to wonder if she transferred from like, fucking Bel Air or some shit. Okay, maybe that's dramatic. But, the trees _are_ getting bigger, and the houses are getting further and further back on the lawns. Seeing this rich white-people bullshit makes her admire how Fatin's dad at least gave her a _humble_ house for college. Like, who has a lawn in college? Then, she wants to laugh at herself, because who is she kidding? Giving your kid a house for college _cannot_ be humble; no matter which way you spin that shit. _Fucking one-percenters is right._

“Dude, you could’ve left your car here for a fucking week and they wouldn’t have noticed," she says flatly, bringing her Jeep to a stop. “Like seriously, is your friend on staff at the White House or some shit? Fuck.”

“Nah, just rich parents.” Dot shrugs, turning down the music. “Trust me. Texas is a different world. Like, this is humble, man. I’m gonna text her and let her know we’re here so she knows my car didn’t get stolen or something.” She takes out her phone and begins tapping.

“Things don’t get stolen in neighbourhoods like this. FYI.” Fatin interjects from the back seat. "You know. HOA's, over-policing, all that good shit." Toni catches her eyes in the mirror, and smirks back at her, scoffing.

“You’d know.” Dot grumbles. After she sends the text, she hops out, says a quick ‘thanks’, and closes the car door.

Fatin, never one to take the easy route, climbs over the centre console, to plop down beside Toni.

“You know you could get out, and get in through the passenger door. That way there isn’t footprints all over my console, and you don’t have to go through all the added effort.” Toni deadpans. “Its a win-win.”

“Eh. I don’t mind.” Fatin shrugs as if it was a suggestion, not a request. “So," she starts. "We’re not actually going to class...right?” She turns her body fully toward Toni, now perched in the passenger seat, smirking, her voice suddenly low. She’s got that devilish look in her eye that Toni has come to love.

“Fuck no.” Toni cranes her neck, making sure Dot isn’t looking back at them as she climbs into her car. They're good. "I lowkey thought she'd never leave." Her own voice is low and suggestive now as she looks to Fatin's lips.

With one hand still on the wheel, she puts the other sneakily on Fatin's thigh, letting it run dangerously high up. Fatin watches it intently, nervously looking between Toni's hand and Dot, who is now in her car. The zipper on the sleeve of Toni’s leather jacket digs into the other girl’s leg just a little, and it makes her bite her lip. She opens her eyes, looking Toni up and down. “I love when you wear that leather jacket. You look hot as fuck you know.” Fatin lays her hand on top of Toni’s then, rubbing it back and forth. Toni smiles at the small token of affection. _Hey, I've gotta get it somewhere, right?_

“Really? Don’t you like me better when its off?” She replies cockily. 

“You know what. You’re hot, but you need to drop that shit attitude.”

“Never. I mean, I doubt you'd like me half as much.” She smirks, her arm around Fatin's headrest as she begins backing out.

"You know what--that's fair."

Then, she's pulling away from the house, speeding back toward their own place, with one thing on her mind.

Dot, now watching in her own rearview, wonders what they were smirking about. _It’s probably nothing._ She thinks, when her friend appears in the doorway, waving her down. Dot waves back, and smiles as she puts down her drivers window to greet her.

-

Fatin’s thighs grip Toni’s head, her hand tangled in the hair at the base of the other girls neck, holding her impossibly closer. Toni can feel the other girl’s legs starting to shake, and its definitely egging her on. Cockier now than before, she picks up the pace. “Fuck Toni, don’t stop,” she groans, and she’s shaking even more now. “Don’t stop, don’t st—“

She doesn’t even get the last “stop” out, when Toni hears the familiar rattle of keys in the door. Toni withdraws suddenly, wide-eyed, and her head snaps to the bedroom door. 

“Hey? What the fu—“

“ _Shh!_ " Toni whispers, covering the other girl’s mouth with her hand and listening again as they both freeze. Sure enough, she hears it once more. “Fuck. Dot’s home!” They share a split-second of realization.

Toni scrambles off the bed first, reaching for her scattered clothes. She knew this day would come. She always knew it in her heart. She couldn’t keep getting away with it, not under Dot’s nose like this. Not so boldly. She knew Dot would hate them for hiding it, and hate them for doing that to Nathan--Fatin’s boyfriend whom Dot loved. Though, Toni wasn’t sure why. Stupid fucking douche bag. Toni just wished the dude would take a shower and get a job.

She grabs desperately at the floor, even though her vision is black from standing up so fast. She actually manages to find her sports bra and shorts, and tosses Fatin a ridiculous pink sherpa vest and green legging combo that she scrounged from Fatin’s laundry pile. Fatin takes a split second to look at the clothing, then back to Toni in disgust, as if her fashion taste matters right now. “Hurry! Jesus!” Toni whispers harshly. As they are hurriedly dressing, they hear Dot’s voice ring through the house as the door closes behind her, and footsteps begin padding toward them. 

“Hello? I’m home.” _Fuck._ “And I have company. So you know...don’t scream anything weird back.”

“ _She has company_?” Fatin mouths, eyebrows knit, as she pulls up her leggings over her hips. “ _What the fuck?”_

“Yeah, we’re in here.” Toni shouts back. Fatin hits her hard in the arm. “Ow, the fuck?”

“We are in here together. Like, in the middle of the day. With different clothes on than she saw us in two hours ago.” Fatin whispers harshly. “Really?”

“Well what was I supposed—“ they shut up quickly, as they hear Dot’s footsteps approaching, then the handle turns, then, the door is open. Whatever they’ve got on now, they’ve got on.

“I—what the fuck are you wearing?” Dot asks Fatin. Fatin shrugs awkwardly. “Sherpa.” She reaches down, rubbing the texture of it on her hands awkwardly. "Vest. My sherpa vest. Toni is helping me pick out an outfit.”

“For class? Didn’t you already go to class?”

“Yes.” Toni says.

“No.” Fatin says in sync. They exchange a look that says ' _we’re caught.'_

“Well, yes, we went to _campus_ ,” Fatin, always with the smooth saves, points a finger. “But then I saw that class had already started and the door was closed, and I said, I cannot walk in late again. It’s not cute anymore. It’s just disruptive.”

Toni nods affirmatively, not meeting anyone's eyes. She’s a shit liar. Especially when she has to look someone in the eyes and do it. She’s both disturbed and impressed at the ease at which Fatin can do that.

“So, I got Toni to ditch too, and bring me home. We got coffee and now we’re here. Trying on clothes.” She ends, with a pleasant lilt in their voice. Toni actually feels like they may have escaped sudden death once more.

Dot shrugs, looking completely uninterested all of a sudden. “Whatever.” Toni can still feel her face burning. She can still taste Fatin. She wants to crawl out of her skin. “Anyways, this is my friend, who I was telling you guys about.”

As soft footsteps pad up the hallway, Toni swallows the lump in her throat. What a _fucking_ way to meet someone. She’s praying she’s a virtual nobody, someone she might never meet again. Someone Dot doesn’t bring around often. 

_Shit_.

Toni is washed with a wave of, _something_. Because, there, in her very own hallway, is the most beautiful girl she’s seen in this whole goddamned city yet. No exaggeration, at all.

She’s a little taller than Toni, but not by much. She has this gorgeous, wavy blonde hair, and these two piercing blue eyes that look right through Toni when their gazes meet for the first time. They make Toni feel small and seen all at once. She forgets all about Fatin, and Dot, and the mess that she's in for a second, as she takes in this new girl. Her makeup is perfect. Her too-tiny pink hoodie is perfect. The way her legs look in her short-shorts is _sinful._ Toni is pretty sure she checked her out from head to toe before she even got a chance to say a word.

“Hey. I’m Shelby. Shelby Goodkind.” _And, she has the sweetest goddamned southern accent_. Toni thinks. _Shit._

Just then she realizes that Shelby has outstretched a hand to shake her own. Toni begins to raise her right hand before stopping suddenly, and switching to the other one. _Fuck, I didn’t wash my hands yet._

She watches the blonde watch her do it, too. To make matters worse. 

She watches as Shelby looks at Toni’s hands, then back and forth between Toni and Fatin. She knows her lips are wet and swollen, and their hair is in a state of disarray, and their clothes don’t match. She knows that she’s standing in another girl’s room in the middle of the day. Dot don’t even notice anything is amiss, but right now, she knows that this girl _does_. 

_She knows_. Is the only thing that crosses Toni’s mind. It makes her heart beat fast. It makes her feel embarrassed and uncomfortable and _weird_ when she shakes the blonde's hand. _She totally fucking knows that we were just fucking._


	2. Liquor Store Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter changes perspective a couple of times. Hopefully it isn't too confusing!

The tiny golden cross around Shelby's neck had been there for a long, long time. It wasn't something she even consciously thought about anymore. But it was there nonetheless, day in and day out; settled into the dip of her collar bone, digging in like a crooked tooth into a lip. There was a comfort in it. The way it dug in was familiar.

It was a fear response, usually, when she grabbed onto her cross. It was something she started doing when she was young. Really, that cross should have her damn fingerprints worn into it by now, with all the fighting at home, and the tension with her dad, and the long nights spent talking with God about...well, lots of stuff. With all the fear and the discomfort and the worry and the anxiety which had surmounted inside Shelby during her teenage years, the cross should've worn away to a cloud of little gold dust by now; and that cloud should've blown away in the wind somewhere. But nope, it was still there--and she _did_ ensure as much, frequently.

She was in a new city now--no longer in Texas, or the south at all, for that matter. She should probably stop wearing that little gold cross, she figured; or at least, stop grabbing at it. Old habits die hard, though. It had helped her so much over the years that she had grown to not care about onlookers. She _knew_ it must have looked ridiculous to anyone else when she grabbed the damn thing for comfort--especially people who weren't from the South. People who didn't grasp the symbology, the comfort, of a little metal cross between your fingers when you're in a place of worry. She probably looked like an up-and-coming version of those old ladies who clutched their pearls to anyone who wasn't the least bit religious; still, it was worth it for the wave of relief it somehow sent her.

As it were, though, she was padding through her old friend Dot's house, feelin' pretty over the moon about catching up after so long. _It's a pretty nice house too,_ she observes internally. She finds herself gawking around a few steps behind her hostess, pondering how on earth Dottie is affording a place like this on top of her tuition. Dot came from, well, meager means. She knows her roommates are home, too, and is fully expecting to be greeted by a couple of post-grunge 90's looking hipsters, or some frumpy girl who works at a burger joint up the street. Dottie's usual gang of misfits.

What she _didn't_ expect, was to round a corner and find two _gorgeous_ freakin' brunettes in various states of undress, with some sort of obvious shock on their faces.

The introduction happens pretty quickly; Dot is speaking to them--in a rather unaffected tone--which tells Shelby that this is a, well, normal way to find them? She's glancing between them, not sure what to make of anything just yet. There's a tomboyish one, and the other looks like some sort of high-glamour darling or somethin'. She doesn't have much time to assess them in earnest without coming off as rude, so, she does what's natural, and completely fixates on the shorter one before her when it's her turn to speak. For no reason, of course, she just--happened to be closest.

She outstretches her hand sweetly to shake that of the intriguing tan brunette before her, drinking her in in the process. She's lean, _clearly an athlete,_ Shelby notes with some confusion, and her jawline--well, that was another thing altogether. Her jawline is so sharp and pronounced that Shelby can't help it when she stares, like, _blatantly_ stares for a second longer than she should. _Oops._ She watches as the girl withdraws her hand, replacing it with her other. _Wait, what the-- **Oh.**_

Then she's looking around the room. The bed sheets are everywhere.

The shorter brunette has something behind her gaze, too--something Shelby can't quite place. She's looking at her almost like she's _daring_ her to think it. Like she's daring her to wander why her hair is stuck off in little wet tendrils--why there's sweat on her neck that's making them stick there. Why she's clad only in a freakin' Nike sports bra in the middle of the day, but claims to have been on campus just a few minutes prior. Why she's standing in a room that Shelby guesses (by all the Gucci, and pink, and white) definitely isn't her own. She's _daring_ Shelby to glance down at her abs, wet with sweat, or her swollen lips, still moist from, well _somethin'_ , or the fingers she's just hidden inconspicuously by her side. Then she's looking Shelby up and down, too; head to toe, with something dark and curious behind her eyes that makes Shelby's stomach lurch.

Shelby's free hand darts to her cross instinctively. Her face is burning hot, and she's sure there's all the heat and redness of a Texan wildfire flaring up her cheeks right about now. She wills herself, _don't think about it. Don't think about._ Then the brunette is shaking her free hand, and the other girl is standing next to her--face flushed, smiling politely--and Shelby just _can't fucking help it_ when she starts thinking about it.

She's hauled out of it pretty immediately by a combination of two things: first, the cold metal of her tiny golden cross between her fingers. Second, the jolt to her arm she takes as the shorter, athletic girl smacks into her a little, flying past her, and up the hallway.

_

Toni _noped_ out of the situation within seconds. _Fuck. That._

She would never admit it, but she's flustered. She's honest to god _flustered._ Like, in the way girls get flustered in those shitty fucking rom-coms Fatin watches. And she's gotta say, it's a pretty _shitty_ feeling and she will never again understand why anyone would romanticize that shit.

She has no idea how to feel about whatever the fuck _that_ was. Or what to think of that girl that was just in front of her. To be fair, she can't really articulate what she imagined Dot's friend would look like, but definitely not like _that._ Definitely not tall and blonde and graceful and southern. It's a mixture of surprise and guilt and stomach-churning _worry_ that drives her forward out of the room.

She wastes no time barrelling past the girls in the hallway, heading into her own room, slamming the door behind herself. Then, she's throwing on a dirty, wrinkled-up Led Zeppelin tee and her leather jacket, and excusing herself in a mumble to take out the trash so that they don't do anything rash, like come and look for her.

 _Take out the trash. Really couldn't think of anything better, huh? Oh how the mighty have fallen_ , she chides herself, shaking her head.

She inhales a deep breath when the cool outdoor air hits her lungs, trying to push away any thoughts of that girl. Of whether or not she would say something to Dot, or to Fatin. Whether she understood what she was had walked in on was private, secretive, _not her fucking business._ As she passed the blonde on the way out, she caught her eye, hoping to see her intention there. In the stolen moment, Toni still couldn't read her. _What a fucking poker face._ It was a wildcard as far as she was concerned--this girl might blow their shit wide open, or she might shut her mouth like any good house guest should.

She opened the bin, flicking in one bag, and then the other. She grimaced, her arms still sore from working out the day before, in combination with her activities a few minutes prior. Toni actually liked the pain. She figured she deserved it, even.

  
Upon shutting the garbage bin, she faltered, and just stood there, looking at the sky. At the cars in the driveway. At the house itself. She didn’t dare head inside. Not yet anyways. Instead, she walked leisurely around to the back of their house to the garden, kicking the grass up in little tufts with her boots as she went. _Get yourself together, Shalifoe._

Then, she's picturing the blonde inside, against all her better judgment. _Man, what a pretty face._ And such delicate features. She had these gorgeous pouty lips, and this clean, fair skin. And her eyes; well, all Toni can remember of her eyes is them darting back and forth between Toni's fingers and Fatin, before moving back to Toni's own eyes. It made her stomach drop just remembering it. She wonders what was going through her mind. If she's one of those southerners that's like, ultra conservative and Christian; one of the one's who's gonna pray the gay away when she gets home because she touched hands with a lesbian today.

Then, she wonders for a second if the relationship between them is salvageable; if they can move past that, and the whole running out the front door as soon as humanely possible thing. You know, for Dot's sake. She sits down in the gazebo, sparking up a joint. _When have I ever given a shit about what a blonde southerner thought of me?_ She scoffs at the idea--it's ridiculous. _Fuck her. And Fuck Dot for bringing her here at 10 am on a Tuesday, man._

She takes a couple of puffs, letting her eyes drift up towards the clouds. Whatever temporary peace she finds there only lasts a minute--then, she's putting out the joint uninterestedly. Her mind clearly isn't going to let her chill the fuck out for the rest of the day. _You know you’re having a shit day when a joint can’t even make it better,_ she muses to herself. She wants to imagine that her mood is a result of the lack of sleep, or even the rude interruption. But, nah, it wasn't.

She's _actually_ picturing Dot’s knit eyebrows, her expression covered in confusion. Fatin’s stone cold eyes, her unmoving posture, as she lies straight to their best friend’s face. This new girl standing in the hallway, taking it all in, looking like a dear in goddamned headlights.

  
Sometimes she wonders about Fatin. About how she can lie to Dot, to _Nathan_. Toni does it too in a way, sure, but not like that. Not so blatantly. In fact, Toni might have come clean, right then and there, if Fatin hadn't gone further with the lie. She was _that_ tired of all this shit.

  
Sometimes, it even felt like Fatin was lying to Toni herself. _Just one more time_ , she'd say. Or, _we're just having fun, it doesn't have to be a thing_. Toni used to feel like they were on the same page once about, well, everything. But then it happened, like it always does. One time became two times. Two drunk times became a couple of sober times. Then she had lost fucking count; and they were staring at each other in front of Dot, and their innocent touches became heated, and their friendly conversations became stifled with the weight of it all. The fucking weight of it. At least, to Toni they did. She didn't want to talk to Fatin about girls, or her parents, or just about anything anymore. Fatin was pretty unchanged. Maybe that discrepancy was what made all the difference.

All that Toni knew was that this was the tipping point. This was the last hurrah. This was their last chance--the one that they had managed to grab, by the skin of their teeth--to come clean, or stop and not tell a soul. She had to talk to Fatin alone. But not before she dealt with the shit storm in her living room. _Fuck me._ She puts the now cooled-down joint back in her pocket, and heads inside.

___

They’re all engrossed in conversation when Toni walks back in quietly. No one really looks up when the door clicks behind her, except Shelby. In fact, Shelby felt like she had been holding her breath the second the door closed behind the raven-haired girl--felt like she had been waiting for her to come back. She was tired of running in circles in her mind trying to justify whatever she just saw--trying to explain away why this girl--Toni--would run out like that. She can't shake the feeling though, that it was, in fact, _exactly_ what it looked like. She just can't. She tried scolding herself for it for a couple of minutes, but she found that just made it even harder to think about anything but her, and her hasty escape, and the way she looked standing in that room, hair tousled, face flushed, jaw clenching, abdominal muscles gleaming with a fresh coat of sweat.

 _You're just curious about her, Shelby. That's all. You just wanna be her friend._ She was repeating it in her head like it was a dang mantra as she sat beside Dot and Fatin, legs crossed, rubbing her cross between her fingers. She was sure that she had missed 98% of whatever conversation Dot and the other girl were having beside her. She only paid attention when they said her name. Other than that, she found herself staring off at Fatin. She was a pretty girl, sure. But she couldn't help but wonder how she ended up in...well... _that_ situation with someone like Toni. Was it her looks? Did their personalities click? Who initiated it? Who took control during it? _No. Just no._ She tries to think of Andrew, of her dad, of church, of _anything_ but that. God.

Then, Toni is kicking off her boots lazily, and walking toward them. Shelby clears her throat, sitting up a little straighter, pretending to be totally uninterested in where Toni is about to sit.  
She tunes back into the conversation that Fatin and Dot are having beside her. They're still talking about nothing in particular, _good._ It only takes a few seconds for her to start glancing back over at the dark haired girl when she's sure that no eyes are on her.

  
She watches as the raven-haired girl falls into the adjacent recliner and leans back comfortably, slouching down and opening her legs slowly, casually. She looks as if she wasn't just caught in the act. Shelby wonders if it's common for this to happen to her, because she seems awfully cocky for someone who should be feeling at least a little flustered. Didn't she have any shame about what they were doing?

From this distance, she can _really_ take her in. She has this beautiful tan skin, full dark hair. In fact, she's all dark. Dark clothing, dark eyes, and dark leather, exuding this coolness, this _energy,_ that Shelby has never been around before. Uninterested, stoic, sharp. Then, Toni goes to work flicking through Instagram or some other mind-numbing app idly on her phone. Shelby watches her fingers flick, and gets lost in the motion of them, zoning out. When Toni catches her staring, she follows her gaze to her own fingers, and has the audacity to offer her a smirk before turning away again. _A friggin' smirk._

They talk about nothing for a long time then, Shelby casually stealing glances at the raven-haired girl. Fatin asks how Shelby and Dot knew each other, and they fill her in on their childhood. She hears Toni chuckle at a few of their childhood stories, like the one where Shelby cried when a bird pooped on her head at soccer, and Dot held her in the field and cried with her because she was so upset. Toni pipes in a couple of times with a snarky comment, or an off-colour remark as they jump topics. As much as Shelby wants to find the dark haired girl pessimistic or irritating, she finds her charming and witty. After a while, they move into talking about campus, and friend groups, and how excited they were to immerse her into their own.

"So, Shelby. Are you coming to our party on Friday?" Dot asks pleasantly.

"Oh, um," Shelby looks between Fatin and Toni. Fatin is smiling encouragingly, while Toni is still head down, into her phone, as if nothing is amiss. "I'd love to!"

"Yay!" Fatin squeals, reaching across Dot's lap to squeeze Shelby's knee enthusiastically. "You have no idea how excited I am to have a girl around. Like, a girl's girl. You have to come over early so we can get ready together. I'm getting _wasted."_ She emphasizes her point with her hands, in true Fatin form. "It's going to be my last night with my boo for two weeks," she frowns dramatically.

Shelby almost looks at Toni in confusion-- _almost_. Except for the fact that she can feel the daggers she's throwing at Fatin from here. It doesn't take her long to realize that her "boo" definitely isn't the stoic brunette girl that was inside her a few minutes ago.

"Oh yeah?" Shelby offers awkwardly, not really sure where this is going.

"Yeah. He's headed to Paris with his parents. You know, family stuff. But I'll miss him sooo much. I have to make the most of our last night!"

Shelby _can't_ really say she understands, because, well, her family stuff has never involved going to Paris. But she definitely understands contempt. And she sees it all over Toni's face as she lets out a low, bitter chuckle at the notion of Fatin with her boyfriend. If she wasn't intrigued before, now Shelby had to know just what the hell was going on here.

"Tell him to bring back my vinyls before he goes! He's been hoarding them," Dot complains, suddenly reminding everyone in the room that she is in fact, right there. "They're all initialled and I have a full inventory list. So you can't pull a fast one on me. Dad had those things chronicled." As far as Shelby can tell, Dot is actually completely unaware of whatever is going on between Toni and Fatin and this mystery boyfriend of Fatin's, as she stares at the TV screen. _How?_

"Ou, I'll tell him." Fatin says, sounding excited by the prospect of calling this guy. "Maybe he'll even swing by tomorrow night instead of just Friday, and wine and dine me like the lady I am." Fatin swoons melodramatically. Shelby can feel the tension in the room rising now--even though Dot remains entirely unaffected. Just as she's having that thought, Toni sits forward in her recliner, jaw clenching angrily.

"Yeah. Why don't you go get Dot's vinyl back from Nathan tomorrow night?" She suggests. Shelby can hear the challenge in her voice. The bitterness. "I'll take someone else. Maybe..." she locks eyes with Shelby, who feels her cheeks turning hot, "...Shelby, along on the liquor store run this time. That way you can go ahead and spend the night with your 'boo.'" She sits back with a face that is so simultaneously pissed off and smug, that Shelby doesn't know how to classify it. All she knows is that this fiery, dark, brunette just used her as a pawn, and she's actually, not mad about it?

Fatin starts, bitingly. "Well, you could at least ask he-"

"I'll go." Shelby cuts in, eager to stop the escalating tension. Toni and Fatin simultaneously snap to look at her, as if they suddenly remembered she was a real, living, breathing human--not just a puppet in their conversation. "I'll go, with Toni. To help her get the liquor, or whatever." She says, voice much smaller this time as she crosses her hands awkwardly on her lap.

Everyone is silent for a minute, and even Dot pulls her eyes from the TV, obliviously.

"Did you just say you're going with Toni to the liquor store? Do you guys need the list yet?" Dot offers, through a mouthful of popcorn. "Because Leah and Martha still haven't decided. Nora needs a fuck load of stuff though. She's making some fancy ass drinks for everyone."

Literally no one seems invested in Dot's commentary.

"Send me the list by 6 tomorrow." Toni responds, standing suddenly. "I'm picking Shelby up at...say, 5:30?" She approaches Shelby, still not taking her eyes off Fatin. She hands her her phone, new contact slot already open. Now that she's standing so close, Shelby can smell her. She smells like a mixture of mahogany and forest and sweat. Something deep and masculine that smells _so_ much better on a girl than it ever could on a guy. Shelby looks up sheepishly at Toni when she's done typing in her number.

"Um, that's my number. You can a-,"

"Great. I'll text you for your address. See you tomorrow at 5:30."

With that, she's gone, storming up the hallway to her room, and Fatin is storming in the opposite direction, to the kitchen. _Do they do this often?  
_


	3. I'd Love a Burger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay sporadic updates!

As soon as class is over the next day, Shelby nearly trips over herself rushing to her car. She couldn't focus in class for the life of her. She was watching the clock all day, biting down idly on the top of her pen. She caught herself, more than once, thinking of yesterday, or thinking ahead to Friday. Thinking of her new acquaintances, Toni and Fatin...of what they were to each other. Of Toni pulling her hand away. Standing in the room in nothing but a sports bra and shorts, sweat all down her abs, her face still glowing red, trying to hide the heaving of her chest. She thought back to yesterday, to herself and Dot pulling up, bright eyed and cherry, expecting to make smoothies and study cue cards in Dot's big, empty house.

That's not what happened, of course. Instead, she was now forced to wonder why Dot's roommates were home when they should've been on campus. Why they lied to Dot. What they were doing moments before Shelby and Dot walked in.

_And what **were** they doing?_

Well, Shelby was simply curious, like anyone would be. Of course her mind would go there. It didn't mean anything. She knew it was sinful what they did, and as long as she knew that, it was okay to wonder. Wondering was natural. Wondering was not a sin.

So, she wondered all day. Through all three classes. She pictured Fatin hauling off Toni's t-shirt, Toni kissing down Fatin's neck. Toni's hands gripping Fatin's hair. Toni's head thrown back as Fatin trailed kisses down her abdomen, her hand placed commandingly on the back of Fatin's head as she went. She wondered if Toni was hard and rough with girls, like she seemed. Or maybe, it was all a front. Maybe, she was gentle, and slow, and tender. _Well, that changes everything_ , she'd think. Then she'd have to start wondering all over again, with this new perspective in mind.

Becca kicked her beneath their desks more than once. Hauled her back to reality. Then, Shelby would remember where she was. Remember _who_ she was. Then, she was rubbing her cross again, trying to push those sinful thoughts out of her mind. She couldn't wait to see Toni, and set her mind straight about her. Get to know her in a situation other than...well... _that._ Then those thoughts would go away. She was sure that there was more to Toni than her sins. She wouldn't hold them against her--she really wouldn't. She just needed to see her in a better light, spend more time with her, that's all.

She doesn't even wait the extra thirty seconds for Becca to gather her stuff so that they can walk out to the parking lot together, like they always do. She throws her a quick, but genuine, "see ya tomorrow!" over her shoulder, then she's gone, and Becca is standing there, bewildered.

She's eager to get home, and the smile that she's had plastered on her face all day was only getting bigger, the later the day grows. She's not even lying to herself--she's really excited to hang out with Toni one on one. She could use a new friend around the city, around campus. She could stand to have some, well, other, memories of Toni.

It's 5:27, and she's running her fingers through her hair, pulling at her shirt, turning sideways to check herself out. She has on her favourite Levi's--skin tight, and light washed. Her tiny white tank top bares her shoulders and her collarbone, where her golden cross sits. She knows she looks good. Only, she's walked past the mirror about ten times, as if her appearance has changed since she last looked two minutes ago. She doesn't remember the last time she was this nervous to see someone. _It's just nerves, because I don't know her too_ well, she tells herself.

She had texted Toni at 4:30 and reminded her of her address, and only received a "K" in response. She didn't get an "on the way" or a "see you soon" text since then. She's starting to wonder if she's ditched, or forgotten about her, or decided to take Fatin afterall, when her phone vibrates with an " _outside_ " text.

-

Toni is slouched down in the drivers seat, head down in her phone when she hears someone fiddling with the door handle. She clears her throat, sitting up expectantly as she turns down her music. When the door opens, she takes a second to check out the blonde in earnest as she climbs up into the Jeep. Her jeans hug the curves of her hips, and her tank top is sitting a little low on her chest, and she's done some kind of sorcery to her face that made it look perfectly made-up, yet perfectly natural. When she plops down beside Toni, she gives her a warm smile.

"Hey there," Shelby says confidently.

"Hey yourself." Toni smiles back, their eyes meeting curiously. She waits as the blonde lays her wallet and phone on the dash, reaching to put her seat belt on. It's a little awkward, but it's nothing they can't work through.

"So you found me okay?" Shelby asks, picking her things back up, and settling into her seat. Toni watches as she places her beige wallet between her thighs, keeping her phone in her hand.

"Yeah, I mean, I took Dot here the other morning to get her car so."

"Oh, right." Shelby points in recognition. "She didn't tell me how she got over. She was pretty wasted that night," the blonde chuckles to herself. "She was all over Matteo. It was pretty bad."

Toni cocks her eyebrow at this. "Oh yeah?" She's more than a little amused. In fact, she keeps the car in park, hoping she'll elaborate.

"Yeah." Shelby laughs, then her face turns serious as she glances sideways, and assesses Toni's bemused expression. "Oh darn..I...I probably shouldn't have said anything."

Then she's playing with her hands, and looking down at her feet like a little kid who's been scolded. _She's pretty cute,_ Toni thinks to herself. Then, she shakes her head. _No southerner with a fucking golden cross around her neck is 'cute'. Careful._

"Hey now, I'm no snitch. I'm not gonna say shit." Toni chuckles finally, she places her arm around the back of Shelby's headrest as she begins backing out. "Besides, I don't even know the dude. Picking on Dot is more Fatin's style."

Shelby swallows as she watches Toni's tan arm flex, gripping the headrest behind her. She's never been this close to her before, and as much as she wants to look at her, she has to look away so she doesn't seem weird or invasive.

"Really?" The blonde brings herself out her thoughts. "I can't imagine Fatin as the type who gives anyone grief." She instantly cringes internally at her choice of words, but Toni just scoffs beside her once.

"Well, you don't know her very well." She's gripping her gearshift tightly, her knuckles look pale white, eyes back on the road.

Shelby looks over at her now finally, to assess the damage. Her jaw is clenched tightly, and she can see the ghost of her jaw muscles as they tense. The sun catching her face was highlighting her facial structure _so_ darn well, as Shelby realizes that she never actually got the chance to see her up close yesterday. She's got beautiful, high cheekbones, a soft red flush on her tan cheeks, full, pink lips, and a goddamn _killer_ jawline. She thinks for a second that Toni could do pageants herself, if she you know, turned down the cursing, and kicked her man-spreading habit when she sat down places. She's just so naturally beautiful, not a stain of makeup involved. Shelby looks at her jawline, her full lips...she's getting carried away staring at her. _Jealousy is a sin,_ she reminds herself.

"Um, I didn't mean... you know." Shelby plays with her hands nervously again. "I didn't mean that in any type of way...I just mean, when I met Fatin, she was really, like, pleasant." _Why do I even open my mouth. Oh lord._

"Shelby, chill." Toni soothes her. It's the first time she's heard her name roll off Toni's tongue, and it sounds fucking fantastic. She can tell they're going to be good friends. "I didn't mean it any type of way, either. Fatin is cool." She lets her grip relax as she comes up on a stop light. "We're actually really close," she shrugs, trying to ensure the blonde that she doesn't hate Fatin's guts or anything.

"Yeah, I noticed." Shelby retorts, in a moment of confidence.

Toni tenses up for a second at the comment. Looking sideways, she notices the blonde hiding a shit-eating smirk. _Is she teasing me about the Fatin hookup situation?_ She wishes she could be irritated enough to tell her to fuck off, or kick her out, but honestly, she's just a little impressed that this soft southern belle has got it in her to make fun of Toni's lesbian hook-up situation.

"Mhmm..." Toni starts slowly, taking her hands off the wheel and placing them in her lap as she waits out the light. "So...what exactly did you...notice?" She tests. They're both looking away from each other. She has a feeling the blonde would never say it out loud. Way too southern, way too proper.

"Nothing." Shelby shrugs, eyes trained out her own window. Toni looks her up and down now, eyebrow cocked. She's got to admit, she's pretty intrigued. _Does she think its funny?_

 _"_ It's just that you're... well you're smiling." Toni points to to the blonde's face, demonstrating point A.

"Am I not allowed to smile?" Shelby retorts, then she's biting her lip a little, like she knows something more. "It's a beautiful day and I'm driving through the city with a new friend, and we're party planning." She shrugs. "I think that's worth smiling over." Then her eyes are retrained out her own window, and the light is turning green.

Toni can't help the warmth that spreads through her, or the tiny smile that's threatening to break out on her lips as she absorbs the word "friend." _Shelby thinks I'm her friend._ She almost forgets about the whole Fatin situation for a few minutes as they head toward the liquor store, and the sky grows dusky in the world outside the Jeep.

_-_

"That'll be 226.90."

Shelby and Toni look between each other, and the pile of alcohol. Shelby doesn't really buy alcohol, but she knows by Toni's face that that's clearly a lot of it.

"Sure, that'll be on debit please." Shelby smiles politely, her southern twang extra pronounced. Shelby insisted on paying and getting reimbursed later rather than using cash, and Toni, defeated, gave in.

"Well, hold up now." The guy leans forward, all up in Shelby's business suddenly, eyeing her with something dirty behind his stare. Toni feels her fists clench at her side as Shelby visibly backs off in surprise for a split second. "'Cause I'm gonna need to see a piece of ID." He's leaning on the counter, looking down at her. He looks like he's about 40, and it makes Toni nauseous, the way he's looking Shelby up and down like she's a piece of meat. "You look like you're way too young to be in here buying drinks," he smirks. _Seriously? Was the dude's idea of flirting fucking infantilizing women?_

She can see Shelby get a little visibly uncomfortable--but she falters only for a second, then she's polite and composed and perfect and sweet once more. "Oh, I actually left it out in the..."

"You go out in the car, Shelby." Toni orders, cutting off the interaction. Shelby looks back and forth between the alcohol, and Toni, and the cashier. "Are you sure? I was just gonna..."

"Go," her tone softens now as she faces her. "I've got it. I have my ID here." She smiles politely at Shelby.

"Okay, I can just wait by the door over here. This is a lot of crap to carry on your own. And, at least take my debit card." She insists. Toni holds up her ID, and he studies it, nodding and passing it back, eyeing Shelby once more. Then, Toni pays--with cash, not with Shelby's card ('cause she's too chivalrous for that shit)--and begins putting a case of beer under each arm, and a wine bottle in each hand. She's hell bent on not having to take multiple trips in here with this fucking weirdo gawking at Shelby.

"Let me help you ladies bring this stuff to your car." The cashier offers, stepping out from behind the counter. "I'd hate to see two pretty girls struggle when there's a grown man right here doin' nothing." _He thinks hes so fucking smooth_. Toni can't wait to knock this asshole down a peg. Then, he's looking at Shelby again--no, shamelessly fondling her tits with his fucking eyes, grinning at her with this creepy fucking grin. Toni has had way more than enough of this fucking pervert.

"No, actually. You won't be doing that." She places herself between Shelby and the cashier. "I can practically smell the date rape drugs from here." She can feel Shelby prying things from her hands, and off the counter beside her, but she's too transfixed on this piece of shit to pay attention to what she's doing. "You can stay behind your shitty little counter and do your shitty little job and stop oogling women that are way out of your league so you can feel like you're on a fucking power-trip. Fucking pervert." By the time she's finished speaking, Shelby has found two hand carts, and has loaded all their drinks into them, Toni still carrying the beer cases. "And if I see you so much as _glance_ at her ass on the way out that door-- I'll pop you in your shit-eating fucking mouth."

The guy is standing there dumbfounded. Both girls can tell he's never been talked to by a girl like this in his _life._ Maybe, not be anyone. Shelby rushes out of the liquor store, and Toni confidently strides out behind her. "Sayonara you creepy mother-fucker." Then the door slams behind them.

_

Toni makes Shelby get directly into the Jeep, closing and locking the door behind her. She insists on loading everything into the trunk herself, and Shelby was washed with a wave of warmth at her insistence on the matter.

She regards her curiously through the rear-view mirror. Her stomach has basically dropped to the floor as a result of their interaction inside the liquor store. Toni--who she had pegged to be stoic and lazy and leaned-back, had been so aggressive, so fiery, so protective of her. It was like this guy flirting with Shelby had flipped a switch in her. It made her feel something in the pit of her stomach that she had never felt before. She wants to chalk it down to adrenaline. Whatever it is, its got her all but squirming in her seat, waiting eagerly for Toni to get back in the vehicle.

Then she gets her wish, as Toni closes the boot of the vehicle, hopping in beside her. She rubs her hands together, the early September night air clearly having given her a temporary chill. She must have grabbed a coat out of the back, because now she's got on a brown Carhartt jacket, and the soft tan colour really softens her face.

"I really like your jacket," Shelby speaks, her voice low and quiet. She's dropped it about two octaves, and has lost her usual preformative, peppy tone. If Toni notices, she doesn't react. Shelby decides that she really likes that she doesn't have to act so bubbly to get Toni to like her, so she continues. "It looks really pretty on you."

She sees Toni visibly react to the comment. She can tell from the split-second reaction that she doesn't know how to take a compliment. Or maybe, it's just the word "pretty" in general that she don't know how to take. But its true. And she wouldn't take it back.

"Thanks I guess." Toni shrugs, feigning indifference. "It was my mom's."

"Was?" Shelby asks, turning her body toward her. Now they're getting somewhere.

"Yeah." Toni has visibly tensed up at the conversation. There's an awkward pause, and Shelby starts to feel guilty.

"I'm...I'm sorry Toni." Now, Shelby reaches out, taking Toni's hand softly in her own, stroking the back of it with her thumb. "I shouldn't have pressured you to talk about it. I won't be offended at all if it's somethin' you'd rather no--"

"No, no." Toni cuts her off, shaking her head, but not meeting her eyes. "I don't mind."

Shelby nods softly, her empathetic eyes now borrowing into Toni's. Toni doesn't remember the last time someone held her hands, or looked into her eyes with real, genuine empathy. It had been a long fucking time, she knew that for sure. She wants to just, sit in the feeling for a minute. So, she keeps the conversation going.

"My mom, uh. Well I don't know where to start. I mean, I don't know what Dot has told you about me." Shelby can feel her trembling a little. She's nervous. She's not sure what she's about to hear, but she knows that she would sit here until the sun came up if it would help Toni stop shaking, and start talking. If it would help her feel heard, or valued. Toni hasn't said a word, but Shelby's heart is broken.

She gives her the gentlest squeeze, and shakes her head softly, still stroking the back of Toni's hands with her thumbs. "Nothing." She tells her, honestly, quietly.

Toni nods. She can tell that the darker haired girl isn't sure if that's going to make the conversation easier or harder.

-

They talk well into the night, driving around aimlessly. Toni drives them to her favourite lookout eventually, and they stop there. They're looking out over the city, filling each other in on everything they've missed over the last 21 years, and neither of them could possibly deny the spark that they've ignited in their bellies. There's an instant bond--an instant willingness to be open. Something that neither of them has ever shared with anyone else, as two intensely private, emotional, misunderstood and misplaced individuals. 

Toni hasn't spoken freely to someone in a long fucking time, and once it started, it was like the floodgates were open. Everything was laid out. Her foster families, her mom, her dad, her revolving door of social workers. Shelby opened up, too. About her dad (the biggoted asshole), her mother (the doormat), her ex-boyfriend (the cheater), her faith, and her recent decision to transfer out of Uni back in Texas to come out here and get the fuck away from them all. They aimlessly talk and laugh and cry together. Shelby is there, and she's holding her hand, and squeezing it, or rubbing her arm reassuringly. Toni generally hates intimacy. Hate is a strong word. _Fears_ is more appropriate. But for some reason, there was no fear.

Before they know it, its 10:30, and Toni's belly starts rumbling.

"You poor thing." Shelby coos, patting her hand. She wipes the tears that have pooled under her eyes in her arm. "You must be starvin'."

Toni _is_ starving, but she doesn't want to have to take the blonde home. Not yet, anyways. They've really connected. But, her belly doesn't lie, and it grumbles once more.

"Yeah, I mean, I am pretty hungry." She admits, wishing her stupid stomach would shut the fuck up and let her enjoy this. She's sure the blonde will ask her to drop her off.

"I'm hungry myself," Shelby conceeds. Then, she turns to face Toni, and she's beaming again, as if they didn't spend the last few hours crying together. "Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you let me buy you a burger some place. It's the least I can do. You almost laid a guy out cold for me."

Toni laughs heartily. She's washed with a wave of adoration, only, she's just not in the mood to fight it for the first time since she met this girl. So, she just feels it. She leans her head back against her headrest, and stares at the pretty blonde beside her, and she just _feels it._

"Sure." She answers fondly. "I'd love a burger."


	4. The Closet

Toni is biting into the biggest, juiciest burger she's had yet in the city--which says a lot, because she fucking _loves_ burgers. For all the assumptions and shitty stereotypes she had built up around Shelby, she was slowly learning that she was actually cool as shit. Well, given where she came from, anyways. Who would have thought it would take a blonde, bible-belt, pageant-performing christian from Texas to get her to a good burger joint around here?

She knows there's probably juice or cheese or something running down her face, because as she lowers her burger, Shelby is laughing at her.

"What?" She asks through her mouthful.

"You've got a little somethin' there," Shelby bursts out laughing, and reaches across the table, wiping at her lip with a tissue. Toni turns her face sideways so the blonde can better wipe at it. She's not really used to being around someone who's so, well, _touchy_ , and it makes her kind of realize how touch-starved she's been; though she's trying her hardest not to focus on that. Their loud laughter earns them an irritated look from the older woman behind the counter. There's no one else in the restaurant, so she figures this lady has no reason to kick them out. She'll just have to fuckin' deal with it. God forbid people have some fun, right?

They're looking at each other fondly, when Toni's phone begins to vibrate by her thigh. She looks down at it, and sees Fatin's name on the screen. She rolls her eyes, licking her fingers before clicking "end" without even answering. 

Shelby watches her curiously, wondering who she's rolling her eyes about--although, truth be told, she does have some idea. Then, Toni's clearing her throat again, and continuing to ravish her fries like nothing is amiss.

Then, it vibrates again. A text, this time.

_Fatin: Don't wait up for me. I'm staying at Nathan's._

Toni locks her phone again, not willing to give her a reaction. She picks her drink up to take a sip, and sees Shelby regarding her curiously.

Then, it vibrates again. Toni looks down once more.

Fatin: Ok. _Where the fuck are you? Dot said you aren't home yet._

Again, Toni locks her phone, this time slouching down into the booth so she can better access her pockets, as she shoves her phone inside.

"Do you need to get that or anythin'?" Shelby inquires curiously. She doesn't want to seem rude or nosey, but it is becoming somewhat of a distraction, and she's sure Toni would agree on that.

"Nah." Toni shrugs. Then, she's picking at her fries again, only, the blonde is still staring at her like she expects her to elaborate.

"It's just Fatin." She expands, not wanting to meet Shelby's eyes for whatever reason. She clears her throat. "You know what? This is the best burger I've had in forever. Thanks for taking me here. I really appreciate it. I was hungry as shit."

Shelby chuckles, watching Toni ravish her fries again. "I'm glad you like it. I just felt like I owed you one I guess, I don't know." She's playing with her straw wrapper nervously, and Toni notes that she isn't really meeting her eyes.

Toni knits her eyebrows at the comment, sipping from her drink again."You owed me one? For what?"

Shelby shrugs, feeling silly for bringing it up again, as the darker-haired girl seemingly got over it pretty quick. "I don't know. Just that guy, at the store." She offers, looking down at her food. "I mean, he was making me pretty uncomfortable, but I was gonna just go about my business and get outta there, you know. It happens. You really didn't have to intervene, but you did."

Toni stops eating now, and regards her. "So, you're mad that I intervened?"

"No, gosh no. I really appreciated it." Shelby jumps in, quickly. "I usually don't have anyone around to intervene for me, you know. And it's just, not in my nature I guess. But I mean, its not entirely uncommon."

Toni smirks softly. "I can imagine, I mean look at you." She chuckles to herself, but then suddenly tenses when she realizes what she's said. She looks over at Shelby, who also looks tense suddenly. _Fuck._

"I didn't mean--like, I don't mean anything by that. I just kind of, said...I'm sorry." Toni grimaces. "I just mean, you're obviously pretty. I'm sure you get that kind of attention all the time. Creepy as fuck, or not."

Shelby shrugs, at a loss for words. _Toni thinks I'm pretty?_ Her heart starts beating fast at the implication.

"I hope that didn't make you uncomfortable or anything. I really just, open my mouth sometimes and then shit comes out. Bad habit."

Shelby regards her curiously, calming herself down enough to be intrigued. Managing her initial reactions to things was something her therapist had been working through with her, in attempt to undo all the trauma and general judginess that came from her ultra-religious upbringing. Therapy was pretty new, and she still wasn't sure where _her_ beliefs ended and her parents' began--and there were a few topics that just--well--they were going to take some extra work, for sure. But being perceived as judgmental or bigoted or whatever, that was something she was committed to fixing. So, she chooses her next question carefully. "Why do you think that would make me uncomfortable?"

Toni can feel green eyes drilling holes into her head as she leans down to eat the last bite of her burger. She's glad she has the excuse of chewing and swallowing, to give her a second to think about her response. Because she didn't expect to dwell on it, and now she feels her temperature rising.

"I don't know." She mumbles, reaching for her drink, suddenly feeling pretty small. "I guess, I just know you're like, fresh off a breakup, with a guy, and you told me about how you're christian and how your family is super conservative and stuff, and you're straight and I'm obviously, well--me." She shrugs, studying the drink menu on the table like she's about to get tested on it. "I don't know. I'm honestly feeling pretty put on the spot right now," she offers nervously. "Just making sure you know I didn't mean it in any type of way."

Then, she's gathering her garbage, and standing, and Shelby is worried that she's scared her off. Plus, she doesn't really get a chance to correct her. To explain that she doesn't mind that Toni thinks she's pretty. That she doesn't care if she _did_ mean it that way. But then, she's rubbing her cross again, thinking about how she probably _should_ care. About how she probably should be uncomfortable. _No._ She pushes those default thoughts from her mind. _I'm not going to let my daddy's voice in my head cost me another good friend._

"I think you're pretty, too." She blurts out, pretty loudly, and a good minute or two too late. Her face burns red with embarrassment. Toni turns around, mid-way to the garbage can, eyebrows kind of knitted in concern. The old lady behind the register bends her neck a little to stare.

Shelby feels stupid as shit when Toni turns back to her with a sheepish "um, thanks." She continues throwing out their garbage, and fishes her keys from the pocket of her Carhartt jacket. "Head home?"

-

It's 11:45 when they crack open the front door, giggling to themselves. They've loosened up again on the drive home, sharing and talking and laughing. Toni reaches around for the light, because of _course_ Fatin had to turn off the light over the door on her way out, when she knew Toni still wasn't home. Passive-aggressive asshole.

"Shit," she mumbles reaching around for it. When her finger finally lands on it, the foyer comes alive with light.

"What the fuck," Toni mumbles to herself, looking at the pile of shoes. "Fatin _and_ Dot are gone. Where the fuck would Dot be at midnight on a Wednesday. That's weird as shit."

Shelby shrugs innocently, as if she has no idea where Dot could be. She promised Dot she would never say anything about Matteo to her roommates when they met--and they were in scouts together once, so 'scouts honour' was something Shelby took very seriously. "Weird." She mumbles in response.

They take turns holding open the door for each other, as the other brings in alcohol. When they're done they size up the pile, and stand there revelling in a sense of accomplishment.

"Holy crap. That's a lot of alcohol...isn't it?" Shelby asks, genuinely wondering.

"I mean," Toni sizes it up as if she's considering saying no, before she says "honestly, yeah, that's a fuck of a lot of alcohol." Then, they both laugh loudly, and Shelby reaches out to push her playfully in the shoulder, as if she's known her for years. Toni smiles fondly at the touch, and they meet eyes for a moment, before the blonde clears her throat awkwardly.

"So, um, you're not just gonna leave it all here in the front room, are you?"

"I mean, ideally no." Toni chuckles. "I can put it in my closet for now, just so it's out of the way." Then, she's picking up a couple of cases of beer, and walking up the hallway. "You coming?" She calls over her shoulder.

Shelby swallows thickly at the thought of following Toni up the hallway to her bedroom. She wonders what her room looks like. She looks at the front door, then back up the hallway. Her former, more christian self would definitely wait this one out from the safety of the car. Only, that's ridiculous. There's no harm in helping Toni, after all Toni has done to help her. So, before she can overthink it and ruin a good thing, her feet are propelling her up the hallway behind Toni, two wine bottles in her hands.

_

Toni's room is pretty big, and pretty modern. Shelby tries not to gawk around too obviously, and make her uncomfortable. It's got white walls, and a queen sized bed. She's got a decent sized TV mounted on her wall above her dresser, and a growing laundry pile in the corner, which seemed to be ever-encroaching on the free space on that side of the room. She has a Led Zeppelin poster on the wall by her bedside table, and a few Indie bands Shelby has never heard of below that. Shelby's face flushes when she clocks the Playboy magazines on her dresser. Toni follows her eyes to them, and grabs them sheepishly, throwing them into the back of a shelf in her closet.

"Sorry." She chuckles, her voice raspy and low, as she pushes past Shelby to enter the walk in closet. Shelby knows she's not sorry at all.

Toni reaches above her head to pull on the little string that turns on her closet light, and Shelby is surprised to see that it goes back a decent bit.

"Wow. This is a pretty big closet." Shelby remarks, peeking in.

"Yeah, Fatin's dad owns the house, if you couldn't tell." Toni replies. "They don't know what the word 'quaint' means. It took me a while to get used to it. We didn't have much growing up. You know how it is."

She's hard at work poking away stuff that she doesn't want Shelby to see. Shelby is respectfully going out of her way to not look, even though a devilish voice in her head keeps making her want to. She's wondering what's in those magazines she keeps on her dresser. How often she reads them. What she thinks about...or does...

"You gonna help or stand there staring at the wall?" Toni jokes, poking her playfully in the side as she pushes past her.

"Now that's just rude. Here I was thinkin' I was givin' you your privacy. I just didn't wanna make you uncomfortable." Shelby teases, her southern accent making it all that much better to Toni when their eyes meet. She can't believe how quickly and organically they've moved into picking on each other.

"Pffft." Toni scoffs incredulously. "Make _me_ uncomfortable? That closet intermission was so _you_ wouldn't get scarred, Ms. Southern Belle." Toni is smirking at her now, and it makes Shelby feel a warmth in her belly that she _hates._ "I wouldn't want to corrupt you." Toni says, nearly in a whisper, right beside her ear, before leaving the room.

Shelby swallows thickly as she watches her go, smacking the doorframe above her with her hand, her long, tan arm flexing with the motion. C _orrupt me?_ She wonders, glancing curiously at the closet. She despises where her train of thought goes. How interested she is in the ways a girl like Toni thought she could corrupt a girl like her. _Goddamn it._

-

Once they've got all the alcohol successfully into Toni's closet, Toni slides the closet door closed. She shimmies her jacket off her arms letting it hit the floor chaotically, so she's just in a crisp black, fitted t-shirt. Shelby tries not to stare as she walks over to her bed, collapsing on it. She stretches out, crossing her arms behind her head, and closing her eyes for a little breather.

Shelby stands awkwardly at the foot of her bed, playing with her hands. She isn't sure if Toni is going to offer to drive her home, or if she's just taking a little break, or what's going on at all really. Just a few days ago, she didn't even know who Toni was. Now she's standing in her room, watching her fall asleep, or relax, or whatever she's doing, and it's a lot. Watching her lie on her bed with her eyes closed...is a lot. Shelby rubs her cross to stop her mind from going anywhere she doesn't want it to. Then Toni pats the bed beside her. Shelby swallows thickly at the thought of getting into bed with Toni Shalifoe. If her daddy could see this...oh boy. This was the _exact_ kind of thing he was afraid of when it came to Shelby in the city; well, _any_ city. Before she can think too hard about it, she just goes for it, sitting gently beside her, then lying back stiffly. She's afraid to move too much, or even turn her head.

"Relax blondie," Toni comments, eyes still closed. "I'm not gonna make a move." Her voice is extra raspy and slow with sleepiness, and Shelby can't help but notice how _attractive_ it is. If you're into girls. Which, she's pretty sure she isn't. _I'm not, right?_

"I'm just taking a breather," Toni says quietly, her voice fading into a whisper.

Shelby looks sideways at her now. Her wavy brown hair is splayed out on her white pillows. Her eyelashes are long and dark, and Shelby can actually get a chance to see how pretty and full they are when she's like this--eyes closed, peaceful. She lets her own eyes fall to Toni's lips. They're parted slightly, still as full and pink as ever. Shelby wonders if they're as soft as they look. She lets her eyes wander down Toni's jawline, where it meets her pulse point. Down her neck. Her chest rises and falls softly, and Shelby worries that she may be falling asleep.

In a moment of boldness, she speaks softly. "Toni?"

There's a pause. "Hmm?"

"You don't have to drive me home." She bites her lip, awaiting the brunette's response.

"No?" Toni asks in a low voice, barely above a whisper.

"No...I want to stay." Shelby whispers confidently. She watches Toni swallow, and readjust her head on the pillow before speaking.

"Okay. You can take Dot or Fatin's ro--"

"I want to stay, like, with you." She interjects.

Toni cracks open one eye, looking at her. She looks at her eyes, then her lips, then her eyes again. Like she's trying to detect a joke, or a lie. She only finds stone cold honesty. "Okay." Toni whispers softly. Shelby revels in the non-reaction, in the peacefulness and easiness is in the room as she lets her head sink comfortably into the pillow.

Toni waits until Shelby is a little more relaxed, then she walks to the light switch, flicking it off. Her lamp still casts a dull glow throughout the room. She walks carefully and quietly to her dresser, and grabs them both a pair of sports shorts and one of her basketball tank tops, closing the drawer gently. She places Shelby's daintily beside her, whispering "here." Shelby opens her eyes to accept the clothes a few moments later, and finds a sight that knocks her out. It's like the world enters slow-motion then; and there's Toni, close enough to touch, hauling her t-shirt off over her head, leaving her standing there in her sports bra. Its a fluid, unrushed, and delicate movement, and Shelby thinks its impossible to look so beautiful and soft, to move so purposefully. Her abs are on full display again, in the soft light of her bedroom lamp. The dull glow makes them look muted and subtle rather than hard and sweaty like they were the first time she saw them. She watches the way the light falls over her, drinking in the silence and serenity of the room. Then it hits her--somewhere tonight, between their slow, raspy whispers, between the dim light of the room and the easiness of watching her undress, or lying back in her room, on her bed--Shelby has come to the realization that she absolutely, undoubtedly wants Toni. In _that_ way.

She swallows when she feels Toni's weight get into bed next to her. She starts undressing and redressing herself, then, and Toni doesn't so much as glance at her out of respect. _This is a problem for tomorrow,_ she thinks, climbing under the covers next to the brunette and letting sleep take over. _A big friggin' problem._


	5. Open the Door

A loud banging on her bedroom door makes Toni shoot upright, eyes cracking open in surprise. There's light seeping in through her blinds, and she has no idea how long she slept. _What the fuck?_

Then, the banging comes again. She lets her eyes adjust to the room, suddenly hyper aware of where she is.

She looks down beside her, and sees Shelby now stirring from her sleep as well. She remembers that the blonde asked to stay over last night--no, asked to stay over _in Toni's room._ She doesn't have long to think about it, because, then comes the banging again.

Shelby is looking up at Toni like a deer in headlights, her sleepy eyes and bedhead make her look even more beautiful than usual. Plus, she has on Toni's jersey. She looks like she could honest to god model jerseys for some hip-hop wannabe brand or some shit. It's not fair. If she could put the sight before her now on a poster, she would 100% rip down her Led Zep one and replace it. _She looks hot as fuck in my jersey_ , Toni thinks, feeling a little guilty for having that thought about a straight, probably homophobic christian. 

"What the fuck? Fuck off!" Toni calls loudly now, remembering the knocking at her door, her voice cracking with her usual morning rasp. She runs her hand through her hair exasperatedly.

"Open the door." Fatin calls.

Shelby pulls the covers up over herself, as if she's naked or some shit when she hears Fatin's voice. She looks legitimately mortified. Toni looks back and forth between her and the door, making a half scoff-half chuckle kind of noise. She's totally entertained by Shelby's reaction. She looks like a middle-aged woman who got caught having a steamy affair on a daytime soap.

"Why do you look so guilty?" Toni whispers, smirking down at her, bemused. "You only slept over. Haven't you ever had a sleepover?"

Shelby looks guiltily between the brunettes eyes and lips, as she stutters to find words. "Yea, but I mean..." she whispers. "I don't know. This is _different."_

"Oh yeah? Why?" Toni whispers, challenge in her voice. She bites her lip, and Shelby watches. She never gets tired of picking on a good christian girl. It was all too easy. She watches the blondes face fall, and feels a little bad. But only a little. "I'm just fucking with you," she whispers, pushing the blonde back down into a lying-down position playfully. Shelby cracks an awkward smile, and Toni doesn't really register much else about it.

"Helloooooo?" Fatin calls again.

"Fatin! Fuck off! I'll be out when I'm out!" Toni calls back, irritated, as she throws her pillow defeatedly to the end of her bed. Then, they can hear Fatin's body lean against the door as she whines "But, _I want to come_ _in._.." Her voice has dropped a good few octaves, and Toni knows exactly what she means. "Dot was here and had breakfast, and she's gone again...it's just us."

Toni's stomach drops and her face turns red, she looks quickly to Shelby, who looks mortified. They both know what she's implying--what she wants to come in for. Shelby's face looks exactly the way it looked on that first day, when she was looking between them. _Fuck._ Toni thinks. _How the fuck do I get out of this one._

"Fatin, I uh--my friend crashed here last night. She's in here." Toni calls out, praying Fatin will just get the fuck away from her door and ask no further questions.

"Oh," Fatin responds awkwardly, then her voice finds its usual cheerful lilt. "I was just gonna come in and see what you wanted for breakfast. I'm cooking, then I'm headed to class! I had a great night at Nathan's--thanks for asking!"

Toni bites her lip, chancing a glance over at Shelby, who clearly doesn't buy it--like, at all. _Fatin driving herself to class, yeah right._

"Uh, we're good for breakfast, we're gonna go out and grab some," Toni calls back, ignoring the latter part of her statement. "Thanks though."

"No prob!" Fatin calls cheerfully, as her footsteps pad away. "Have a good day!"

"Guess we're going for a breakfast date?" Toni whispers. Shelby smiles sweetly, biting her lip and looking up at Toni in a way that lowkey makes her heart flutter a little. _Gross..._ she thinks. _Didn't like that._

_

Shelby lets out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Once they're downstairs and dressed for the day, they notice Fatin has already left, her empty yogurt bowl in the sink is the only reminder that she had even been there. Her shoes and car keys are gone.

"Is it bad that I'm relieved right now?" Shelby chuckles awkwardly, surveying the house to find no sign of life.

"Eh," Toni shrugs. "I don't think she would've cared."

She's hauling on her shoes, not really looking at Shelby as she grabs that leather jacket she had on the day they met. Shelby swallows as she watches her haul it on over her hoodie. She looks like a damn instagram fuckboy, only, she can pull it off. Which Shelby hates. _No one should look so good in a basketball hoodie and a ratty leather jacket._

"You sure about that?" Shelby teases, remembering what they're talking about. Toni's eyes meet hers curiously. Something dark sparkles behind them, like she's daring her to say what she thinks.

"I am very sure about that." Toni responds, not removing her eyes from the blonde's and taking a step closer to her. "Why?" She knits her eyebrow suggestively, cockily, clearly enjoying making Shelby a little flustered as a small smirk tugs at her lips.

"Well, if you say so." Shelby shrugs defiantly, swallowing thickly at the closing distance between the two. "I just think she would have somethin' to say if she saw a girl in your bed. That's all."

Toni scoffs, reaching for the door handle. "A blonde, conservative, Texan, christian? I'm pretty sure she knows nothing happened."

Shelby's heart drops a little at Toni's words, their flirtation dying on the table with that one. _Why would she know something didn't happen? Why does being blonde, or from Texas, or christian disqualify her? Is Toni not attracted_ _to her because of those things? Is that why she says Fatin wouldn't even entertain the possibility of them...doin' anything?_

Shelby crosses her arms, biting at the inside of her cheek. She knows Toni knows she's thinking about something, 'cause she sees the other girls face falter like she's said something wrong. In an effort not to be weird or ruin their morning, she tries to keep the convo going, knowing she shouldn't even be flirting--or whatever this was--with Toni.

"So, I take it I'm not your type then?" She chuckles lightly, silently hoping she'll take it how she means it; as a friendly joke.

"Hey now, I didn't say that." Toni points. "Blonde bible-belters with strict daddies are more so the stuff of fantasy than reality." She winks, walking out the door. "Lock that behind you," she commands behind her.

"Oh. So that's whats in all your girly magazines." She pokes back, having to distract herself from the gravity of what was just said before she passes out or says something stupid.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Toni hums.

Okay, if Shelby didn't want to get railed by her last night, she definitely did now. There was no point even fighting it--not when Toni spoke to her that way. In that cocky gravelly morning tone. Ugh. She locks the door, her face burning hot, a weird feeling low in her belly. She's not going to even _dare_ to name that feeling. She walks silently to Toni's Jeep, thinking about her comment the whole way. Did she really mean that? Did she really think...that way, about girls like her? Had she ever fantasized about Shelby? She really doesn't need the mental images she's having right now of Toni in her bed. _Dear Lord, is it hot in here?_ She's rubbing her cross so hard she thinks it might disintegrate once she's sitting in the Jeep. Toni backs out, entirely unaffected.

-

Breakfast is good. It's one of Toni's favourite spots in the downtown core. It's just a little hole in the wall, but, as Toni said, "they've got the best $15 breakfast combo that $15 can buy."

They're eating peacefully, smiling at one another over their mugs of tea, when Shelby gets a jolt of confidence.

"So...Fatin." She starts.

 _Oh God,_ Toni thinks, already mortified. She wants to drown herself in her cup of tea.

"What about her?" She retorts instead, her defenses already coming up.

"Do you, you know...like her?"

Toni laughs awkwardly at the question, as if it's absurd. "Jesus." She shakes her head. "Of course I like her, she's one of my best friends. I literally live with her."

She hopes Shelby will drop it there, and avoid making it awkward. Of course she doesn't.

"I mean, I don't talk to any of _my_ best friends that way," Shelby shrugs, picking the crust of the piece of toast in her hand idly, not meeting Toni's eyes.

Toni studies her for a second, choosing her response clearly. "To be fair, I don't think you and I have the same types of friends exactly."

Shelby lays her toast down, looking mildly angry. It makes Toni curse internally.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She knits her eyebrows.

"Nothing! Nothing." Toni emphasizes, throwing her hands up in innocence. "I just mean, I don't imagine your type of friend would joke the way that we do."

"My type of friend." Shelby's face is pulled into an angry expression now, and she's nodding her head, a whole new attitude coming out that Toni hasn't seen yet--one that she's totally terrified of. "Alright. Well, let me just say this. Just because my family are uber christian, or uber conservative, or shitty rednecks, or whatever else you think of them--that doesn't mean I am. And it certainly doesn't mean my friends are." Toni shrinks underneath the weight of her words, because, well, fuck--she's right. "And furthermore, you're right. I don't think that fucking my friend behind everyone's back is much of a joke at all." _Oof. There it is._

She stands suddenly, and Toni is mortified. _Is she leaving?_

"I'm headed to the washroom. I'll be back in a minute." She declares righteously, wiping the crumbs off her jeans as she stands. Toni checks her out head to toe again. _Hot when she's mad. Noted._

Toni sits there dumbfounded, watching her walk away. _She said it. Never thought she'd say it. Guess she isn't as prim and proper as I thought._

___

They didn't say a whole lot after that. Toni paid, and then they were back outside, in the Jeep. It's pretty awkward and stuffy in there, and Shelby feels bad for her weird, outburst? Whatever it was. She's so embarrassed that she thinks she could die. Toni didn't acknowledge her comment about knowing they were sleeping together, at all, when she got back from the washroom. In fact, she seems largely unaffected by Shelby's little freakout, so, maybe it wasn't as bad as Shelby thought. Why did she have such an emotional reaction in the first place? Ugh. She doesn't even know Toni, really. Or Fatin. _It's because they're lying to Dot,_ she soothes herself. _I hate liars._

She's waiting for Toni to start the Jeep, and glances over at her after a few seconds have passed when she still hasn't done just that. She sees Toni smirking a little, face down in her phone. She can't help her curiosity when her eyes wander over, finding the name "Fatin" on the top of the screen. It pisses her off all over again for some reason. 

Then, Toni's got her phone under her thigh, and she's driving. She hasn't said anything yet. They keep driving, and Shelby has her eyes trained out the window, her arms crossed in front of her. She wonders what the girl beside her was talking to Fatin about just then.

What did Fatin say that made her smirk and bite her lip anyway? _Probably planning their next fuck-fest. Go figure._ The thought of it makes Shelby squirm in her seat. _That's just wrong,_ she thinks. Then, she's imagining it again. Fatin laid out under Toni, in the same bed they shared last night. Toni whispering into her ear as she runs one hands down Fatin's body, stopping when she gets just a little too low for comfort. She can imagine what a voice as low and gritty as Toni's would sound like pressed against your ear, what a mouth as dirty as hers could conjure up in the name of making a girl feel good. _Just wrong,_ she reminds herself.

"Shelby," a voice, and a soft hand on her knee reminds her where she is. "Do you need me to take you to campus or home or anything?"

Shelby looks down at the hand on her knee. "Um, if you're eager to get rid of me you could drop me home I guess." She shrugs.

Toni pauses for a second. "I'm not eager to get rid of you. I was asking because I don't have classes on Thursdays. I usually just work out."

Shelby's throat goes dry at the thought of Toni working out. "Oh yeah?" She asks, interested again.

"Yeah, I go to the gym for pretty much the whole day." She has one hand on the wheel, flicking her turn signal with it, the other on the gearshift. Toni can feel Shelby looking at her arms.

"Do you need proof or something?" She asks sarcastically, then she flexes the one she had on the gearshift, and Shelby bites her lips awkwardly, fighting the urge to squeeze one.

"No silly. Just take me home if you wanna work out."

"Well, I don't have to go to the gym to work out. We could just go for a hike or something? Do you have any plans?"

As much as she wants to, she remembers her 3:00 class, and knows Becca will be expecting her. They always grab a coffee first.

"I would love to Toni, but I've got class at 3."

Toni shrugs, hiding her disappointment. "It's cool, I'll drop you off at campus if you want."

It's only 11:45, Shelby notes, looking at the clock. "Actually, could you just drop me home? I've gotta get my books and stuff."

"Oh, duh." Toni replies, smacking herself lightly in the forehead to indicate that her suggestion was kind of dumb.

Toni drops her off, offering her a quick "text me later," and a smirk, and Shelby thinks she'll definitely take her up on that offer.

When Shelby gets home, she closes the door and leans against it like she's in a rom-com. She takes a deep shaky breath. Then, she gathers herself, and starts getting ready. By the time she's got her clothes in the wash, a new outfit picked out, and her makeup done, her phone buzzes. 

_Toni: You forgot your wallet in my Jeep_

No emojis, no punctuation. It's very, her.

She begins typing back.

_Just don't spend it all in one place._

She hits send, smiling to herself.

A few minutes pass of her anxiously checking her phone. As soon as she decides she isn't going to get an answer and stands up from the couch, she gets another text.

It's a selfie of Toni. Her hair is in a ponytail. She's making a silly face, but Shelby barely notices. She's got on a black long-sleeve workout shirt, black shorts, black shoes. She's covered in sweat, standing by a weight rack. In her hand, she's holding a large protein shake that she clearly just bought.

_Toni: Extra large. On you. ;)_

Shelby can't even laugh at the joke, because the whole thing isn't even funny anymore to her. She's already dressed with her makeup done, but all she can think is _fuck it._ She heads upstairs, shedding her clothes as she turns the shower on it's hottest setting. She hops in, feeling the delicious sting of hot water against her skin. She thinks it'll help pull her out of whatever is going on in her mind, but it only pulls her further down into it.

All she can think about is Toni. Toni in her bedroom last night, Toni next to Fatin the other day. Toni with her shirt off. Toni on Fatin. Toni on _her._ Now, Toni in the gym. Covered in sweat, working out, her tight black athletic wear clinging to her muscular frame. She didn't need another visual of her like that. Fuck.

She's thinking about all of these things, but keeps going back, against her better judgement, to one in particular. _Toni on her. Mmm._ Or, her on Toni. Or, maybe both. She bets Toni would like it either way--and she knows for damn sure that she would. She'd love to watch the cockiness just drain out of her expression. She'd love to just fuck that coolness, and aloofness, out of her altogether. Toni pisses her off and works her up so bad at the same time.

She doesn't waste anymore time wondering about it. She just lets her hand glide down her body and do the rest for her.


	6. Energy

Toni reaches deep into the back of her locker at the gym, hauling on the strap of her bag, where its now pretty jammed. She silently curses herself for picking a locker on the top level. Her arms are sore to the point of exhaustion. She knows she's been overdoing it at the gym, but its the best outlet for her right now; it really is. The last couple of days, she's had this tension in her muscles; an energy that was that was starting to penetrate her entire body. It started when Shelby slept over. Then, when Shelby got out of her Jeep today, and Toni watched her wiggle down off the seat in her little Levi's, she felt it again; she felt like taking a cold shower and running around the block until her legs gave out. She's unwilling to give it a name, or think too hard about where it's coming from, but she knows that this is the best way to get it out of her system for now. She tugs again, roughly. Her black gym bag falls out onto the floor with a glorious thud, before she turns away, slamming the locker pretty harshly behind her, scrunching up her face at the sound.

"Hey! Shalifoe! Take it easy on the lockers will you? Jesus."

She turns her head toward the familiar voice. "Get off my dick, Rachel." She scoffs over her shoulder, rolling her eyes. Then she turns away, and back again. Rachel meets her glare angrily, then they burst into laughter.

"She got jokes." Rachel shakes her head, leaning on the lockers beside her. "Man, what the fuck are you still doing here anyways?"

"What do you mean? You've been here all day, same as me." Toni's eyebrows knit as she sucks on her orange Gatorade, mimicking Rachel's posture as she slouches against the lockers.

"Yeah, but that's typical for me." Rachel argues. "You're usually gone by like, 4."

"What do you mean? Dude, what time is it?" Toni asks, eyebrows knitted. She hasn't even glanced at the time in, well, _hours_ apparently. She begins fishing around for her phone, which she hasn't seen in a hot minute.

"It's 7:45," Rachel chuckles. "Jesus, were you the zone today or what?" Toni shakes her head as her hand lands on her phone. _I forgot about Fatin. Fuck._

"Yeah man, I guess I was." She shakes her head. "I've just had a lot on my mind that's all. I thought it was like 5 o'clock. Fuck." Toni glances quickly at her phone, and sees a fuck of a lot of messages she hasn't responded to yet. _Ugh._

"Why, did you have plans or something?"

"Yeah, Fatin wanted to go see this stupid movie. It's probably not a big deal. She'll get over it." She hoists her gym bag higher up on her shoulder, bringing her hand to fiddle with the strap across her chest awkwardly.

"Ahh." Rachel nods in recognition. "Still playing boyfriend?"

Toni drops her gaze to the floor, scoffing. "I mean, Nathan's not gonna take her. He hates that rom-com shit." Toni chuckles. "Besides, I really don't mind. I don't have anything better to do on a Thursday."

"No? I thought you hated 'that rom-com shit' too." She looks at Toni like she's expecting an answer. Toni can only bite the inside of her cheek in thought.

"Yeah, I guess I do." Their eyes meet for a second, and Rachel shrugs.

"What do I know about it anyways, Shalifoe. At least you've got a social life." She laughs, pushing herself off the locker. "We still on for tomorrow night?"

"Yesss." Toni closes her eyes in excitement, throwing her head back against the locker. She's reminded that absolutely fucked-up bliss and freedom is only 24 hours away. "I can't wait to get shit-faced. We picked up all the alcohol yesterday."

"You and Fatin?" Rachel asks, glancing at her watch like she knows the answer and is totally uninterested.

"Nah, me and Shelby." Toni smiles awkwardly, noticing Rachel's visible reaction.

"Shelby? Like Dot's friend Shelby?" Rachel asks, intrigued.

"Yeah. What the fuck? Did everyone know her but me?"

Rachel laughs. "She's only a recent transfer as far as I know, but yeah, I've seen her around campus with Dot a couple times. Shes...nice." Rachel looks like she wants to say more, and Toni is almost curious enough to ask. Just then, the other girl decides to just say it. "Cute too." She then wags her eyebrows suggestively.

Toni feels something tug at her gut at the notion of Rachel thinking Shelby is cute. Of anyone thinking Shelby is cute. Something--dare she say it--defensive? It's not personal, she just knows Shelby is so, religious, and like, not into anything like that. Right? As her friend, she _should_ feel defensive when people think about her that way. Right? "Why, you gonna make a move?" Toni asks, maybe a little too quickly, swallowing thickly and preparing for a response one way or the other.

Rachel chuckles. "Man, I ain't got time for dating. Damn. Do you see how many hours a day I spend up in this gym?"

Toni is washed with a wave of relief at the answer. She's shaking her head and laughing at the absurdity of the conversation, at the absurdity of her reaction. "Fair enough." She bites the inside of her cheek nervously. "Anyways, I should get going. Fatin is probably pissed off at me."

"Hey man, good luck. Oh, and see you tomorrow!" Rachel calls over her shoulder, headed back out for what Toni imagines is probably her fifth goddamned round of cardio today.

-

Once she's in the safety of her Jeep, she fishes her phone out of her pocket.

_iMessages: Fatin (6)_

_Shelby Goodkind? (2)_

_Dot (2)_

She bites her lip, kind of wanting to open Shelby's first, though she knows Fatin is waiting on her.

_Fatin: Hey, don't forget. Movie is at 8! xoxo_

_Fatin: Are u at the gym still? :(_

_Fatin: Hellooooo_

_Fatin: TONI. Are we not going?_

_Fatin: Did you actually get breakfast with Shelby Goodkind? WHAT THE FUCK. LOL_

_Fatin: Guess I'll have to ask Nathan to go instead...We both know how much you'd hate that...:(_

Toni feels a low panic rise in her chest about the fifth message. How does she know she was with Shelby? She's tapping her fingers on the wheel, trying to think of a reply, when her phone starts ringing. _Right now? Really?_

It's Dot, of all people.

"Hello?" Toni asks, pulled out of her momentary panic.

"Toni?"

"Yeah?" Then the phone shuffles a bit, and she can make out Dot speaking to someone in the background. _Ugh_ , she's especially not in the mood to have a fucking group call.

"Hey man. Sorry. Listen. So, you know how I told you I wouldn't have time to go to the liquor store this week? Well, I'm here, so don't be mad."

Toni half scoffs, half laughs. "What the fuck are you doing at the liquor store? We bought over $200 worth of alcohol. Get the fuck outta there."

"I'm not here for me. I'm with Shelby," Dot explains, making Toni's throat go dry. She's suddenly a lot more invested in this phone call. "We're trying to figure out what's a good, and like, gentle drink for her since she doesn't party. I figured my whiskey-and-vodka-shots-until-I-forget-my-name approach might be a bit much for a beginner. Beyond that, I don't know shit about drinks."

Toni chuckles at the accuracy of Dot's commentary. She's never seen her drink anything other than straight, hard, liquor. Occasionally she'd water something down with Coke. Other than that--she was a beast.

"Well, I don't know her taste. What has she tried before?" Toni asks, adjusting in her seat, genuinely interested in knowing what the blonde likes. Then the phone shuffles again, and she bites her lip in anticipation for what she thinks is about to happen, switching her phone from one ear to the other.

"Hey! There's my resident alcoholic!" comes that sweet, Texan drawl through the phone. It makes Toni's lips crack a smile. "Hey," she coos back, her head leaned back on her headrest dreamily. She's sure that Shelby can hear her smile through the phone, but then that makes her feel dumb as fuck, so she clears her throat.

"How was the gym?"

"Good. I'm like, really fucking sore though. I'm only now leaving." Toni responds, tapping her nails on the wheel nervously.

"Jeez. You poor thing. You must've been working out so hard." Toni swallows, thinking of what to say, before the blonde continues. "So, Dot and Fatin said you're my go to woman for any and all things alcohol," Shelby says, her accent sounding extra sweet and pronounced through the phone. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing or if I should be tryna form some kind of intervention for you or somethin',"

Toni chuckles fondly, biting her lip. "Fuck, I'm not that bad. Well, not anymore." she offers. She definitely had her party animal days, where binge drinking was her best friend. She likes to think she's at least marginally better than that now. Now, she only gets fucked up on occasion. Which, anyone would admit, was better than all the time. Baby steps. "What about something simple. Like, wine? You like wine?"

"I guess," the blonde's voice comes, hesitantly.

"You guess? Haven't you had a glass of wine before?" She picks distractedly at her steering wheel, listening intently to the blonde.

"A glass, sure. I've never gone out and bought a bottle. Jeez." Toni smiles. _She's never bought a bottle of wine?_ Her innocence was like, immeasurable.

"Okay, well there's some at the house that you can try, if you'd rather. I can also make you a few different mixed drinks, and shots and shit like that."

"Well, there's an idea," Came her cheerful voice. "How am I gonna know what I like if I don't try out a few things, right?"

"Totally. Plus, that way we can experiment, and see what you like or don't like." Toni responds, her voice crackly from dehydration and over-exertion.

Then, she hears Shelby take a long, deep breath on the other end of the phone--almost hears her chuckle--as she realizes her innuendo. The call suddenly becomes tense.

"I'd like that." Shelby says after a beat, and Toni thinks she must be hearing things, because it seems like her tone dropped, _a lot._ "You know, I've been thinking. I _would_ like to try experimentin' more. And I mean, you seem like you're just the gal to do it with."

Toni clears her throat nervously, suddenly sitting up a lot straighter in her seat. _Surely she don't mean it like that_. _She's talking about drinks for fucks sake._ _Get your mind out of the gutter, Shalifoe. This is bible-thumping, pageant-winning, Shelby Goodkind we're talking about._ _Plus, Dot is right there, so don't make it weird._

"Um, is Dot with you still?" She responds, any ounce of game she thought she had leaving her body.

"She's in the walk in cooler." Shelby responds calmly. _So, Dot isn't there._ "So, experimenting. Should I start with something strong, or something less strong?" She can picture Shelby in the liquor store, turning bottles over in her hands and reading their labels as she speaks.

"Um, depends on your preference." Toni offers quickly.

"Hmm...I think I'd prefer to start slow. At least, in the beginning anyways." Apparently Toni's mind has been thrown irreparably into the gutter, because she is totally unable to control where its going. She's biting her lip so hard she thinks it might bleed. Every ounce of that...energy...that she managed to wring out of her tired, sore muscles, was suddenly back, and vibrating like crazy inside of her. _Of course she'd fucking prefer to start slow. Ugh._ She closes her eyes, pressing her head back into the car seat.

Before she can respond, she can hear that Dot is back, and saying something to Shelby, so she speaks up. "Shelby, I gotta go. Don't buy anything if you don't want to. There's lots at home. I'll take care of you."

She can hear Shelby smile through the phone. "Where are you off to?"

Toni bites her lip, wondering if she should say so. "Um, Fatin is waiting for me."

"Oh," Shelby replies. She wonders if the blonde is pissed at her for being of more help or something, because it's almost like there's something biting in her tone when she speaks. "You two have fun. See ya." Then the line goes dead.

Either way, Toni's whipping out her phone then, and texting Fatin back as soon as they hang up. She's suddenly _very_ in the mood to see her. She definitely wasn't before. She goes out of her way to avoid thinking about why.

_Meet me in my room_

Then, she remembers she totally ditched her, and has to address it.

_Sorry I missed the movie. Gym. You know how it is  
_

She starts her Jeep, and is about to back out, when she gets a text back.

_Fatin: No can do sweet cheeks. Nathan took me out to the movie. See u when I get home. XOXO_

She rolls her eyes. Fuck Nathan. She can't wait for that douche bag to go to Paris. He irks her so fucking bad.

-

9:20 finds a freshly showered Toni slouching back on the couch playing PlayStation. She's got a bowl of chips beside her, and she shoves a handful in her mouth every time she dies in her game. She's hungry, but not enough to cook. Tired, but not enough to sleep. To make it worse, this, _energy,_ keeps plaguing her, and it has ever since she hung up the phone. She had taken matters into her own hands, so to speak, before grabbing a shower, but it just didn't satisfy her.

She finds herself reaching for her phone, and typing out a text to Fatin.

_How's your movie?_

She stands to stretch, giving Fatin a minute to answer. To her surprise, her phone lights up pretty quickly.

_Fatin: Sooo cute. Ur gonna be so pissed that you missed this one when I tell you about it_

Toni scoffs out loud at that one. She's definitely in no rush to watch a fucking romantic comedy in the theatre.

_I doubt that. But you're right about the first part_

_Fatin: You're pissed? Why?_

She bites the inside of her cheek thoughtfully, already knowing what she wants.

_Because. You went out with that douche nozzle while I was at the gym_

She almost has the good graces to be worried that said 'douche nozzle' saw Fatin's texts when it takes her a couple of minutes to respond. Almost. Only, he was a douche nozzle. So Toni didn't really give a shit if he _did_ see those messages. He deserves to know what he is.

_Fatin: SO, let me get this straight. You wanted me to lie around like a damsel in distress and wait for you all night when you were clearly ignoring me?_

Toni chuckles at that one, sitting back down on the edge of the couch.

_Well, not so much the damsel in distress part. But you lying around waiting for me after the gym? exactly what I expect_

Fatin is answering pretty quickly now. She wonders where Nathan is.

_Fatin: Clothes on or off in this scenario?_

Toni smirks now, sinking back into the couch. The conversation is finally going where she desperately needs it to go.

_Definitely off._

She's eager to see her now. She hasn't done anything with her since that day with Shelby, and ever since, she's been around Shelby a whole lot. She avoids making any links in her head, but is so desperate to get off that she breaks her own golden-rule; never double text. 

_Time will you be home? Ditch that loser and come see me_

Toni would never admit it, but she always got her kicks from Fatin choosing her over Nathan. She loved when Fatin would get home from spending a little too much time with him and come looking for Toni. It stroked her ego. Toni loved reminding her who really possessed her in that way; who could take care of her the way she needed. It definitely wasn't that fucking douche bag. Yeah, she was an egomaniac, but it wasn't unfounded. Plus, Fatin benefited from her sick thought process, too, so.

_Fatin: No can do, yet again booboo. You missed your shot with me tonight when you bailed. Muah xoxo_

Toni lets out a long groan at that. She's so frustrated that she wants to flick her phone across the room. Before she can, it vibrates. She thinks it's gotta be Fatin, telling her she changed her mind, telling her that she's on the way right now.

_Shelby Goodkind: You home? Coming for my wallet!_

Toni throws her head back in exasperation. She really doesn't want to see the blonde. She knows it will make her condition so much worse than it already is. And no, she isn't willing to examine why. Ultimately, she figures there's no point avoiding it, because she's with Dot and is probably coming back here anyways. 

_I'm home_

___

There's only about five minutes between her sending the text, and the familiar jangle of keys in the door. Then, in walks Dot, with Shelby in tow.

"What's up Shalifoe?" Dot asks, kicking off her shoes. Toni hasn't looked up from her game yet, not wanting to be distracted by them.

"Playing zombies." Toni answers quickly.

"That sounds fun!" Shelby answers enthusiastically. "Let me watch."

Then, she hears Shelby padding across the living room floor, and feels the couch sink as she sits beside her. She sits so close that she's practically on Toni's lap. It's not fair. Not given how frustrated she is tonight. Toni can smell the mixture of her shampoo and perfume; its so girly and airy, so, _Shelby._ Then, Shelby has an arm around the couch behind her, as she sits with both her legs under her, and off to the right, so that her torso is practically pressing against Toni's side. Toni is so distracted by their proximity that she almost dies in game, but recovers quickly.

"Wow. You're real good at this." The blonde is so close to her that she can feel her breath hit the shell of her ear as she speaks. Toni knows she's talking about her recovery in the game, but she keeps letting her stupid fucking mind go there. It makes something in her lower stomach lurch.

"yeah, well." She answers dumbly.

"I'm grabbing a shower." Dot announces from the kitchen. "I've got plans at 10."

Toni welcomes the distraction. "Plans hey?" She asks in a teasing tone.

"Fuck off Shalifoe." Dot responds.

"Didn't say anything." Toni calls after her, then Dot is gone out of sight.

"Do you mind if I hang around for a few minutes?" Shelby asks, her tone normal again. Honestly, Toni was hoping she would be here and gone pretty quickly, so she could try working out her, um, issues again.

"Yeah, feel free I guess. Fatin won't be home tonight." She keeps her eyes trained on the tv, hard.

"Hm." Shelby hums thoughtfully. "I bet you're awful disappointed then?" She asks. Toni chances a glance sideways, and finds Shelby staring at her, with something dark in her eyes. Then, her screen lights up, telling her she's died.

"Fuck. I fucking died." She throws the controller into the couch aggressively, crossing her arms. Shelby shifts beside her, moving away a little. Toni hates the cold that envelops her right side at the loss of contact. "And no, I'm not disappointed. She's with her boyfriend. It's whatever."

"Didn't you have plans though?" Shelby asks, something smug in her tone.

"Yeah, so what? Plans change." Toni answers defensively.

"I guess," Shelby shrugs, smirk on her lips. "Stop eatin' this crap. It's 10 pm," she scolds, hauling Toni's chip bowl away when she ungracefully shoves a fistful into her mouth. "Sorry, we're not all starving ourselves for some goddamned pageant." Toni answers dryly through her mouthful of chips. She looks over at the blonde, almost expecting an aggressive or a hurt reaction. Only, she's clearly trying not to crack a smile at the comment, which Toni digs. "Well, _grumpy pants_." The blonde starts, sharply. "I was going to inform you that I made Singapore noodles for myself and Dot and Fatin earlier today. I saved you a plate. But now I'm not so sure I wanna give it to you."

Toni sits up, interestedly. "You made me supper?"

"I didn't make _you_ supper, I made _us_ supper. But you weren't here, and I knew you were working hard at the gym, so I poked some away for you." The blonde laughs, her perfect white teeth like a slap in Toni's face. "I'll heat you up some before I hit the road if you'd like."

Toni feels her face turning red, almost as if she's, blushing? Fuck no. She doesn't blush. She's gotta say, for all the irritating, conservative, christian qualities that came from growing up in the south, Shelby also had some really cute homemaking, or like, taking-care-of-you skills that Toni wasn't used to being on the receiving end of. She wasn't about to complain about coming home to a plate of warm singapore noodles, or whatever the fuck they were called. For a second, she even thinks that might be better than coming home to a half-naked Fatin. She could find half-naked girls just about anywhere. Not to brag, but girls thirst over basketball captains. She could probably have her pick. But she don't remember the last time someone made her a homecooked meal. The thought scares her so much that she makes herself haul out her phone, and text Fatin.

_Can't wait to see you tomorrow night._

Anything that could distract her from thinking a second more about the perfection that was Shelby Goodkind was totally worth it. _Totally._

_-_

Shelby watches the brunette across from her scarf down her noodles by the forkful in the dim light of the kitchen. She has to hide her grin by resting her chin in the palm of her hand, biting at her fingernails. 

She sees Toni knit her eyebrows. "What?" The brunette asks through her mouthful, sounding irritated, or defensive for some reason.

"Nothing. You really were hungry, is all."

"You have no idea," Toni laughs, her eyes rolling back to stress how starving she was. She eats again for a couple of seconds before speaking. "This is really good. I didn't know you could cook."

Shelby shrugs. "I dabble." She knows she's a pretty good cook, but if there's one thing Shelby Goodkind _isn't,_ it's a bragger.

"Christ, your dabbling is better than me, Dot and Fatin combined when we're _trying."_ Toni scoffs.

Shelby lets out a genuine laugh. She loves how dry the brunette's humour is. "I'm glad you're enjoying it. I mean, I know how hard you worked today. You told me how sore you were." Shelby shrugs, trying not to think too hard about Toni over-exerting herself, about her sore muscles, biting her lip before she does something stupid like offer her a massage.

"Yeah, my whole body aches." Toni says flatly. Shelby can't help but think, _I'd love to fix that._

"Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you ate somethin'," Shelby shrugs, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I'll get goin' soon." She begins pushing her stool out, when Toni's hand comes across the table, grabbing her own. 

"Stay." She catches the other girl's eyes for a second, and finds something, intriguing, there. She isn't sure what it is. "If you want. I have nowhere to be since Fatin bailed. We could watch a movie or something?"

Shelby looks from the brunettes eyes, to her lips, and back again. She watches Toni watch her. "I mean, if it's not oversteppin' or anything. I'd love to." She shrugs. _Yes._

Toni smiles contentedly, hesitating before retracting her hand. Shelby saddens at the loss of contact, but her mood is restored when she sees the brunette dig into the food she made for her.

"You know," Shelby starts, pushing her luck. "I'm kinda cold. Could I borrow a hoodie?" She's convinced she sees the brunette swallow at the question, and it kind of puts her on a little power-trip. _Do I make Toni nervous?_

"Yeah, just let me finish. We can go get one in my room." Toni scarfs down her noodles so fast that it looks like she's gonna choke.

-

"Are we going to watch the movie in here?" Shelby asks, falling down on Toni's bed as the darker-haired girl rifles around in her dresser drawers. Toni freezes at the question. She doesn't entirely trust herself with Shelby in her bed, in her basketball hoodie, when she's already feeling some type of way. _Fuck._

"Um, I was thinking the couch," she offers back, going with the safe bet for her own sanity. She tosses her black basketball hoodie at Shelby, and she catches it gracefully. The catch is, well, pretty hot. She figured the blonde couldn't catch for shit. _Full of surprises, this one._

"I'd rather watch in here." Shelby shrugs, cutely. Her eyes meet Toni's, and Toni bites her lip in response, nodding before noticing that she even does it. _What is she playing at?_

"Okay, cool." Toni shrugs. She makes her way over to her own side of the bed, making sure to leave a little distance between herself and the blonde as she kicks back.

"Well, do I look official?" Shelby asks, teasingly., turning her torso towards Toni. She's in Toni's basketball hoodie; the one with her name on the sleeve. It makes the darker-haired girl's heart skip a beat. Her long blonde hair flows down over the front, put she pushes it back off her shoulders in a fluid movement, exposing her neck, and her little golden cross. Toni's eyes run up her torso, and her neck, and her jaw, landing on her eyes.

"I mean, shit, it's never looked that good on me." She shrugs, honestly. She isn't too worried about calling the blonde attractive anymore, not since that night in the restaurant. Shelby surely knows she's not into her, but Jesus, she has eyes. She watches Shelby look at her lips. _Stop imagining shit._

 _"_ Maybe I'll become your personal cheerleader or something." Shelby jokes, lying back. Toni isn't sure why, but that concept is actually hot as shit to her, but she laughs it off.

"What do you wanna watch?" Toni asks. She feels Shelby shuffle closer to her. Then, the blonde wraps her own hands around Toni's right arm, snuggling her head into her shoulder. Toni is scared the blonde can feel her heart, given that it's about to beat out of her chest. "Somethin' scary." She says, lowly. Toni turns on a shitty horror movie and lies back, Ready for whatever torture the long night will bring her.

 _I get to see Fatin tomorrow. I get to see Fatin tomorrow._ She has to remind herself that in a few hours, she can get all of this out, safely, roughly, softly, however she fucking wants--with Fatin.

Then, Shelby readjusts, moving her own leg over and between Toni's own making a little noise in her ear as she adjusts. It fucking has to be on purpose to get a reaction. Has to be. Her leg lands just far enough away that it isn't touching her, well, _there._ But it's damn well close enough.

_Fatin. Tomorrow. Fatin. Tomorrow. Fatin. Tomorrow._


End file.
